He’s a hot, hard worker, into physical labour, good with his hands, with Marlboro Man looks and a wardrobe full of lumberjack shirts and ripped jeans. The way they used to make ’em, before folk spent their working lives mincing about in cubicles. How long has it been since you’ve met a non-metrosexual? This gruff grizzly might backhand you at the mere mention of moisturiser, but he’s easily pleased; simply place a cold beer in one of his ginormous hands, the TV remote in the other. Don’t say: ‘Let’s go for a latte, then how about catching that Jungian modern dance performance and hitting the sushi bar?’ Do say: ‘I can see you’re bursting out of your faded Levis, so why don’t I slip into something more comfortable and ride you cowboy?'
Where to find him:
In the woods, wait ’til he’s put down the axe before approaching. Out of the woods, he’ll prefer no-frills drinking spots with a relaxed atmosphere and cheap booze. When he’s not throwing back cold Tigers at a kopitiam, The Prince of Wales (73 Dunlop St; 6229 0130) is a regular haunt, as are the billiard and snooker tables at the Singapore Billiards & Snooker Council (#03-01 Leisure Drome, 15 Stadium Rd; 6345 3651). He’s likely to be passionate about sports and on game night can be found at a Brewerkz (30 Merchant Rd; 6438 7438) accompanied by his mates and a tower of beer. He isn’t into clubs but will go if there is a good live band. On occasion he’s been spotted at Club Atlantis (#04-24 Textile Centre, 200 Jln Sultan) or Ipanema (#02-43 Orchard Towers, 400 Orchard Rd; 6738 3483).
His preferred attire will be a simple T-shirt and board shorts or jeans: it’s all he needs to look good. Drool as his barrel chest and biceps go to work lifting pint after pint of beer off the bar counter.
One-liners to use:
When it comes to this type of male, K-I-S-S. Keep it simple and stupid. If you’re feeling bold, let him catch you staring at his contractile organs as you innocently ask, ‘Are those real or painted on?’. If the courage eludes you, call on some Dutch courage, approach him at the bar and shout ‘Absinthe bombs!’.
Show your affection:
Like everyone else he has his aches and pains; however, he never gets a massage. He won’t let another man near his shirtless body, much less one holding a bottle of baby oil. Nor does he enjoy getting massages from women whom he’s not sleeping with. The way to his heart – aside from cooking him a meal – is through his knots. Offer to give him a home massage, just buy some non-scented massage oil and go to work. Tip: buy a massage stick ($8.90) (The Body Shop, #B2-39, ION Orchard, 2 Orchard Turn; 6513 4505) to help unlock his hard muscles.
Under the covers:
He’s old-fashioned, so don’t expect anything too crazy in the bedroom. What he does know, though, he does well. He’ll be concerned about his performance but even more concerned to know whether you’re having a good time. Expect him to start things off in a missionary position but once he’s worked up a rhythm, suggest something else either more enjoyable for you (try the lap-dancer position), or something that puts his hard body to good use (a one-leg-standing pose). Finish off by suggesting a shower together, where you can seal the postcoital pleasures by offering to lather him up.
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