Rant - On Smoking

As of 1 January, smokers have been legally obliged to stay at least 5 metres away from a building’s ‘entrance space’, open window or ventilation intake. According to the offi cial NEA pamphlet, ‘smokers tend to congregate near entrance/exits and in doing so their second-hand tobacco smoke affects others who are entering or leaving the premises.’

If you work on a narrow stretch like Tras Street (or anywhere in Chinatown), this means you have to light up 5m away from both your office and your neighbours. This pretty much forces a lawabiding smoker to stand in the middle of the road – which may be considered jaywalking; you never can win with these guys.

Non-smokers often equate the average smoker to a Biblical plague of locusts – but choosing between getting run over and a post-lunch cigarette? Things are getting out of hand, especially since this new law applies to smoking outdoors. Last week, we discovered that one of our favourite cafés had moved their outdoor smoking area a truly comical distance away from the actual restaurant. We politely went inside to enquire about this dramatic change, when a diner keen to share her views announced that she refused to let us sit any closer, even though she was indoors, in the airconditioning, with a fully sealed wall protecting her from the evil Marlboro Men.

I’m not saying that smoking isn’t bad for you – it is. But a precise 5m smoking ban outdoors is just nonsensical. Soon it’ll be illegal to smoke while driving your own car. God forbid your fl imsy tendril of second-hand smoke infi ltrates an innocent motorist’s window at 60km/h. I don’t think anyone could sum up my sentiments better than acerbic novelist Tom Robbins. ‘Kissing a girl who smokes is like licking an ashtray,’ claims the protagonist of Still Life with Woodpecker. The reply? ‘Kissing someone that’s self-righteous and intolerant is like licking a mongoose’s ass.’ Couldn’t have said it better myself, Tom.