Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

05 Jul 2012-19 Jul 2012 ,

Dir. Timur Bekmambetov. 2012. Rating TBA. USA. Benjamin Walker, Dominic Cooper, Rufus Sewell.

First published on 15 Jun 2012. Updated on 20 Jul 2012.

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So it seems USA's 16th President – that’d be Abraham Fucking Lincoln (Walker), as one of his antagonists robustly addresses him – wasn’t only a leader and emancipator. He was also an ax-wielding hunter of literally bloodsucking Southerners who mired their country in civil war. This ludicrous CGI extravaganza, based on the comic horror novel by Seth Grahame-Smith, can stand proudly beside the best-worst of Ed Wood and Uwe Boll. Come for a stampeding-horse action sequence that might make John Ford rise from his grave in fury; stay for the moment when doting wife Mary Todd (Winstead) implores her hubby to hurry up or they’ll be late for the theater. And otherwise distract yourself with the film’s consistently flabbergasting attempts to turn Honest Abe into the 19th-century Neo. Four score and seven years a-whoa! Keith Uhlich