Rant: I am not a plastic bag

It all began when I dropped by my optician to pick up a new prescription. She was about to put my stuff (a pair of spectacles and two bottles of lens solution) into a gigantic plastic bag when I stopped her. ‘Don’t worry,’ I said, ‘I don’t need that. I’ll just put it in my bag.’ As a consequence she gave a five-minute exposition about how only ang mohs and ‘overseas educated’ people like myself have this delightful minimal-bag habit. Like some weird amphibious fish, we have evolved beyond the need to lug around multiple plastic bags; we represent a new kind of consumer – one who still demands convenience, yet cares just a tiny bit more for the environment.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m far from fully green. I suck at bringing my own coffee thermos to work, and I like paper towels in public bathrooms because they prevent me from flinging water all over the place (or having bacteria-laden hot air blasted on my hands, which must be the dirtiest parts of the human body besides the mouth). Since I moved back from the US, I don’t even bother recycling my garbage at home.

But what’s so hard about cutting down on paper and plastic bags? Anya Hindmarch was a genius to design the infamous ‘I Am Not A Plastic Bag’ canvas bag – perfect for image-conscious fashionistas to appear green without sacrificing social status. Some women are extra-precious about their handbags and refuse to put a single purchased item into their Coach tote. Plenty of retail assistants have remarked on how unusual it is for someone to refuse individual plastic bags for each purchase, to the point where I feel like I’m doing something weird and wrong.

At the supermarket, checkout cashiers are so accustomed to double-bagging items that it completely throws them off when you insist on shoving everything into (your own) big bag. Muji makes easy, light, foldable bags that can slip easily into a modest purse (or man-purse, to be PC). And if you don’t care about labels (or in Muji’s case, fashionable lack of label), there are simple multi-purpose carryalls to suit any purpose. As for clothes shopping, it’s super-easy to shove everything in one big shopping bag and forgo the tiny Watsons bags, gigantic paper sacks from Zara and Russian doll-style bagin- a-bag-in-a-bag approach from high-end fashion retailers. Like Nike says: Just Do It. And, not to worry, I haven’t gone all soft on you, I’m writing all of this with the bitchiest, most bossy tone possible…just in case you were getting worried.